Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Multiplying the LOVE

I think the pregnancy hormones this time round is slightly more overwhelming. I get emotional easily and I cry alot more over silly little things. So i'm now at 36 weeks. The waiting game has somewhat begun. I'm nervous about having to share my time, attention and love between Ashayr and another little person. Will I be able to cope? Will I be able to handle two little boys at one go? What if I turn out to be biased? Like I'll spend more time with the baby than with Ashayr? Tak nakkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!

Ashayr is such an amazing toddler. He fills my life up with so much joy and happiness. For now, he is the sunshine of the family.

Will the second baby be a happy baby just like him? Or otherwise? I'm worried. I really don't know how he will turn out. It's like a surprise in a box. You don't know what the present is, or whether you'll like it or not, until it comes out of the box. Right? Of course I pray for an easy and happy baby, but they say, no two child are alike. So, we'll see how laaaaaa...

The baby things at home are all settled. Most of Ashayr's baby clothes are in excellent condition. In fact, I only bought 4 new outfits for the baby. Kesian kan? But i'd rather be more practical than to splurge on something that he will outgrow pretty fast. Technically, we are ready to welcome the second one, anytime.

Anyway, the point of this entry is to share my feelings with mothers expecting their second child. I think it's normal to feel this uncertainty and nervousness, kan? Well I came across this beautiful poem over the internet.. about loving TWO. After reading it, I cried... Macam tengok cerita sedih gitu.. Gembeng habis lah Nona! Oh wells.


Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.
I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Author Unknown

So the point is, this whole parenting thing is an experience, each parent has to go through.. Yes we can read as much as we want from books and all, but it's the hands on experience that makes it more worth the while..
I need to understand that LOVE does NOT divide..



Dear little one in my tummy,

I promise to love you as much as I love your brothers.. I promise to shower with with just as much attention and care. I promise to raise you as a good son who will eventually grow to be my hero. InShaaAllah. Meanwhile, please get ready to come out. Don't take too long like Abang Ashayr ok. Hu hu hu. =P

I'm so excited to welcome, hug and kiss you. Really.



Monday, September 2, 2013

"Think Good. Feel Good. Do Good."

Oh hello 35 weeks. The final stretch! Can’t help it but to feel nervous yet very much excited on the arrival of this little one. Ashayr came out at 41 weeks and I hope this one won’t take that long.. hu hu hu. Fatigue is kicking in. Walking or shall I say, waddling, becomes challenging. Tapi takpe, I shall enjoy this feeling while it lasts. :)

Ok so Syawal has been VERY low key. I’m always too exhausted. The maximum number of houses covered each day = 3! Yes. 3 only. Mak tak larat. And to those who invited my family and I over and we didn’t make it, soooooo sorry! Dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki. But this waddling Mak Buyong just wants to sit or lie down and rest most of the time.

Work has been kind. Alhamdulillah. Life has been alright. Alhamdulillah. My husband has been an awesome partner, especially throughout this second pregnancy, ALHAMDULILLAH.
For now, all I pray for is a smooth delivery of a healthy baby. Tu je. InShaaAllah. :)

Here are some random raya pictures. Heh heh heh.

Been wanting to write something inspiring… Especially about things happening around me.. Tentang perasaan hasad dengki.. Like people having negative thoughts of others or being all green eyed over those who seem to be doing very well and have more than some others.

I get irked when I see green eyed statuses on FB.. Macam “Alaaa.. Dia tu memang show off.. Nak lebih je dari orang..”  Please la. Biarlah si dia tu show off. Ikut suka hati dia. The more you write about him, just says so much about your character. Lagipun, kalau nak tegur atau menyindir secara sopan, ada caranya… Personally, I feel that it takes alottttt to be upset or jealous. Why waste that energy on something negative?

I suppose it’s fair for me to say that many times if you are having negative thoughts, you begin to feel negative, then it becomes harder to change the kind of thoughts you have because the negative thoughts are actually giving you a negative attitude, right?

Then, as the negative feelings grow, you become absorbed in feeling negative.. and soon as your attitude changes, your mind becomes filled with sad or depressing thoughts. Buat penat je kan, depressed sorang2 tak tentu pasal.. Like you’ll feel sad for yourself and your life.. Buat ape??? Buang current je..

This “jealous-terhadap-orang-yang-ada-lebih-dari-kita” attitude is a back and forth situation because your mind is in tune with your feelings and your feelings affect your thoughts. We all need to focus on controlling our thoughts which in turn makes it possible to change our feelings with own own thoughts. Ada faham? Jadi kalau kita fikir yang baik-baik tentang orang tu, InShaaAllah kita pun akan rasa yang baik-baik je..  Kalau kita nampak orang yang ada lebih dari kita in every sense, just say Alhamdulillah, itu rezeki dia.. Semoga Allah juga berikan yang setimpal buat diri kita.. Mudah-mudahan.. Can? ;)

Heh. Ok. This seems a bit too much. But, tell you ah, sometimes I cannot tahan the negativity on FB. Macam chill ah.. You hate this.. You hate that.. You hate the government.. Tapi duit GST nak? So macam mana tu? =P

Let’s practice “think good, feel good and do good.” Seriously, the world will be a better place for you. One step at a time. 

Ok lah. Till my next entry. God knows if I’ve popped by then or not. Anyway, thank YOU for taking the time to read this. And, pray for me and my baby yaaa!! ;)