Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Help(er)

A wife and a working mother. Quite an amazing combo. Most of us women are left with not much of a choice but to go out and work so that we can better assist in the family's financial economy. But to be an excellent employee and a great wife, now that is rare. Not that we can't do it, but that would only be possible if we have a solid support system.

I have to admit I'm quite terrible at house chores. Yes I'll do it, but on my own sweet time. Plus once I'm back from work, I'll just stare at that pile of washed clothes in the basket, secretly hoping that they will fold and hang by themselves. Yup, wishful thinking, I know.

My mother is not getting any younger. I pity her when she does the laundry, cooks and looks after Haris and Ashayr. She's old and I've very exhausting for her. It breaks my heart to see her tired and weary.

So enough. I succumbed. To hiring a foreign domestic helper. We need the help around the house. Especially with the chores and running around after Ashayr when I'm not at home.

I've had aunts and relatives with helpers and saw how differently they were treated. Some were nicer than others, to the helper that is. Some helpers are pleasant looking while some are scary to look at. Seriously.

Once the husband gave a green light for us to get a Bibik, I started "window shopping". Lol. From big agencies to the small ones. We compared prices and narrowed down on a few. However, one evening, as I was browsing through netmaid, I saw one particular helper that I liked. She is young but married with a kid as young as Ashayr. No experience in Singapore but worked 2 years in a bungalow in her hometown. Her name is Umi Nuryati.

But, to me, it was "berkenan pada pandangan pertama". The female instinct I tell you. So I called the agency to enquire. Met up with the owner and he arranged for a phone interview. The husband and I are very particular about religion. We are hoping to get a good Muslim helper who does her solat without fail and is able to recite the Quran.

Guess what. During the interview I actually asked her to recite Al-Fateha, Ayat kursi and also Doa Qunut.. Jadi budak ni dengan semangat membaca seperti yang disuruh. Funny ah with her thick jawa accent and all but I was impressed.

So confirmed plus chop plus stamp, we booked her. She came on 3 Jan and she has been a blessing so far. She is polite, honest, hardworking and willing to learn. Alhamdulillah. I teared when I saw my house so clean and clothes nicely folded and hanged. I didn't know how much of a help she can be until today. Having a helper to assist working mothers on house chores is a major burden off our shoulders. Umi has been a great help so far. :) oh ya, she teaches Haris mengaji after solat maghrib on weekdays too! Suka sangat. :)))

However, prior to this, there were so many challenges in getting her because the Indonesian side was delaying her transportation here. My agent offered me other helpers but I insisted in waiting for her eventhough the compulsory day off rule has kicked in.

Encik Fauzy has been so kind to me. Orangnya jujur dan bersungguh-sungguh walaupun lama tertangguh ketibaan pembantu saya ni. He has indeed helped me get a helper that I wanted and liked. My husband describes him as someone "telus". Trust me, he will sungguh-sungguh get the helper that you want.

I'm writing this entry not because he asked me to. In fact I don't think he even knows my blog exists. Lol. But I'm doing this because I believe in helping others. This entry is for Encik Fauzy. He started the agency on a small scale since two years ago and he deserves it. If you are looking for a helper, perhaps you might want to consider his services. Not the fastest in terms of services but truly dedicated and committed. Seriously. :)

Each of us might have different reasons why we need a helper and also her role in our homes. Be clear about it from the start and set ground rules. I had a good, very open talk about my expectations with regards to her work and I feel much better and safe about having her around. Dia datang ke sini pun kerana niat untuk membantu keluarga dia yang susah di kampung, jadi jangan pula kita sia-siakan dia... Goodness will come if you continue doing good. InShaaAllah. :)

Anyway, good luck in finding that perfect helper for you and your family! ;)





Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Love Note #538 ~ TIME

TIME. 

We have 24 hours in a day. Time management is essential in our daily routine so that we get things done according to our needs and wants. 

My husband and I are blessed with jobs that allows us to have the flexibility of time. We get to spend time with the boys, go out to work and squeeze in some couple time here and there. It's how we make of it. 

We were having a quick lunch right after a work appointment and the husband randomly said to me, "I'm so happy with my job. I get to spend time with you and the boys. I get to meet my clients. And I bring home the money to run the family. What more can I ask? I just need to work smarter and make more money because I want to always be there for you during the important moments. I want to spend time for us. When I make you happy, I feel happy and good things will come, InShaaAllah." 

Very random and sweet ah. Seriously. I'm thankful that my husband is a Financial Advisor. His schedule is flexible and he spends a good amount of time for the family and also for work. His job is not the easiest. It is mentally challenging. However, as a couple, we make it a point to support each other in whatever it is that we do. The both of us are very family oriented people. We'd rather spend all our time with family than with friends or colleagues. As much as I'd love to expand my social circle and hang out with couple friends, he said, family first. How true, to us at least. 

We end our work days very late. Most of the time, at midnight. Once we've gone home and washed up, then it's catch up time. We make it a point to talk to each other about our day, about our feelings and about each other. It has become a routine. We could be watching JOZAN (my husband is madly in love, head over heels, kemarok giler pada Zizan, ok don't ask me why. Apparently, Zizan makes him happy. RIGHT. lol ) or Adam & Hawa (cos i'm a girl and i love fairytales) on Youtube, but it's the silence and time spent together that is very important. 

When we were dating, I recalled arguing with him because we don't spend as much time together. He was busy with work and so was I. Living apart from each other means we don't get to see each other that much. Now that we are married, I realise how important couple time is. It keeps us tight as a couple. 

Being or becoming a couple means finding a balance between couple's time and individual time. The amount of time will be different from couple to couple and it will also depend on the relationship stage that you are currently in. 

You know how sometimes when you're alone and your partner is busy working, you get all worked up and lonely. You feel as if you're abandoned and unwanted. Share those feelings with your partner. It helps, really. 

Try and make the time for each other. It could be doing something together like exercising, doing grocery shopping or even walking your kids to school. The only requirement is that you must spend time "together". 

So today, I had couple lunch time with my husband and I'm appreciative of it. Amidst the craziness of things, we need the space just for US. 



Bila kita dapat membahagiakan pasangan kita, sekaligus kita dapat membahagiakan diri kita. Ini dapat mengukuhkan lagi rumahtangga yang dibina. Cinta seikhlas hati dan beri tanpa meminta balasan. Masa itu sungguh berharga, jadi kalau kita bijak menggunanya, maka berhasil lah segala yang di usahakan.  InShaaAllah.

Heh. Macam syarahan pulak. Just thought I'd share my experience. This whole marriage thing is still very much new for me and there's so much more to explore and go through with your partner. Treasure each moment and appreciate each other. Time for each other is about quality, NOT quantity. ;)



So there you have it, my LOVE NOTE #538 ~ TIME. 

Let's find and make the time to cakap-cakap dan sayang-sayang our partners ok! :)



Ok. Tu je. ;)

Thursday, January 3, 2013

TWO on 1.1.13

With the presence of social media, comes the "need" to update every single experience and moment of your lives that you feel is suitable for public viewing and scrutiny. The husband and I share VERY different views when it comes to social media. He prefers to keep things private and doesn't see the need to shout things out, unlike me. He is my worst critic. Seriously. But, he keeps me in check. That's what partners are for I suppose.

So, I challenged myself. To stay away from social media. For just ONE day. Heh.

1 January 2013. We turned TWO as a married couple. Nope. We didn't do anything fancy cos we're boring like that. By the time I reached home from work, the husband was already asleep with Ashayr on the bed. So, there was no countdown or anything like that. I washed up and slept at 1130pm.

You see, as a woman, of course I expected roses, surprises, gifts and whatnots. At one point in time, I used to get very upset when expectations are not met. Then, came marriage. It taught me to calm down and let loose. I don't set unrealistic expectations when it comes to our marriage. If it happens, then it's a plus. If not, it's ok. At least we still have each other to love, no matter what.

I've grown to be a simple person. Not as complicated as compared to when I was much younger. Life today is no longer about material things but rather about the intangible, like happiness and satisfaction. I feel happy when I'm able to make those I love happy. I'd rather carry a $30 handbag than spend 5K on a luxury handbag because I know I can spend that money on the people I love. I'll walk in to branded boutiques, touch the handbags on display and walk out empty. The husband says I deserve it, but I think, (to me at least), it doesn't justify or represent who I am and I don't need it. Material things are at the bottom of my "to-spend-on" list. I think I've matured. I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing. Maybe not just yet, cos I don't want to "never say never". Lol. ;)

So, no exchanges of gifts on our anniversary. Nothing fancy. Just us holding hands and exchanges of I-love-yous, with the kids along, at Sentosa. That was how we spent our 2nd wedding anniversary. Simple, without any interruption from social media. Just me, the husband and my boys. Just us. Private for a day. Heh.

Dear husband,

I may not be the best wife on earth but I know that I'm always doing my best to be the best you can ever have. Our marriage has not been easy but it's those challenging moments that makes us stronger as a couple. Come what may, I know we have each other to depend on.  I know you will "po-tect-me-po-per-ly" kan? You jump I jump, kan? Walaupun I suka merajuk tapi you tetap sayang I, kan?

Biarlah cinta ini hungga ke hujung nyawa kerana saya tahu Allah telah berikan cinta awak kepada saya dan inilah yang terbaik dari-Nya. Awaklah kebahagiaan saya.

Let's continue doing our best for our little empire of happy souls. I promise to love you till an eternity and may Allah continue to bless this magical union. Amin.

2013 is going to be a great year and come what may, I know we're ready for it. :)


XOXO
Your wife.