Ashayr is such an amazing toddler. He fills my life up with so much joy and happiness. For now, he is the sunshine of the family.
Will the second baby be a happy baby just like him? Or otherwise? I'm worried. I really don't know how he will turn out. It's like a surprise in a box. You don't know what the present is, or whether you'll like it or not, until it comes out of the box. Right? Of course I pray for an easy and happy baby, but they say, no two child are alike. So, we'll see how laaaaaa...
The baby things at home are all settled. Most of Ashayr's baby clothes are in excellent condition. In fact, I only bought 4 new outfits for the baby. Kesian kan? But i'd rather be more practical than to splurge on something that he will outgrow pretty fast. Technically, we are ready to welcome the second one, anytime.
Anyway, the point of this entry is to share my feelings with mothers expecting their second child. I think it's normal to feel this uncertainty and nervousness, kan? Well I came across this beautiful poem over the internet.. about loving TWO. After reading it, I cried... Macam tengok cerita sedih gitu.. Gembeng habis lah Nona! Oh wells.
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.
I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
So the point is, this whole parenting thing is an experience, each parent has to go through.. Yes we can read as much as we want from books and all, but it's the hands on experience that makes it more worth the while..
I need to understand that LOVE does NOT divide..
LOVE MULTIPLIES. :)
Dear little one in my tummy,
I promise to love you as much as I love your brothers.. I promise to shower with with just as much attention and care. I promise to raise you as a good son who will eventually grow to be my hero. InShaaAllah. Meanwhile, please get ready to come out. Don't take too long like Abang Ashayr ok. Hu hu hu. =P
I'm so excited to welcome, hug and kiss you. Really.