Wednesday, February 29, 2012

fighting for my parachute

And I will fight till my last breath. for what is right and for what is best for us.... Oh ALLAH, please give me the strength I need and the courage to hold on...

If it's meant to be then it shall, forever be.  

Monday, February 27, 2012

dream. B I G.

Saw this on facebook and it hit me, right on. How true. We often complain about how unfair life is and how terrible our life can be. We dare not dream for the sky because we are afraid of falling hard and hurting ourselves. We frown more often at the mishaps and shortcomings because it's easier to be grumpy. We seldom count of blessings because to us, it's not that many. 

When i was younger, all i wanted was to be a radio DJ and to be RICH. Well, i got the first one, but am still on the road to the second one. However, along the way, i realise that being rich is not that easy. As adults, we are tied down to so many commitments. This responsibility that we undertake may kill our dreams and spirit towards what we have always dreamed of. 

I've always been a dreamer. And i often get laughed at when i was younger. But it made me stronger. I have this urge to always prove to myself that i can do it. I can achieve things that people think I'm incapable of. Of course there were many moments i felt like giving up, like everything else in this world in against me. I cry, but not too long. When I'm down, i force myself to think of things that i should be thankful for. I count my blessings because it makes me feel better about things. I feel that one of the key to happiness is to learn how to count our blessings.  

Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it. ~Fyodor Dostoevsky

Count your blessings. Too often, we grumble over life's stresses, troubles, complaints and frustrations. Instead, try to look for the sweeter things in your life, like your loved ones and also a job that pays the bills. 
Count the laughter. One of the greatest and simplest health remedies is laughter. Find things or people that make you laugh and smile. It takes the blues away and would definitely make you a happier person. Cos studies have shown that happier people and those who laugh often, tend to live a longer and more fulfilling life. While you're at it, laugh at your own seriousness. Whatever has you emotionally tied in knots is not worth the stress. Laugh it off! Smile on purpose, no matter what you're dealing with. It will make you feel better.
Count the moments. Spend a few minutes before you go to sleep in thankfulness. Consciously recall all the simple pleasures of your day.  I practice this with my partner. We try our best to make time for small talk right before we fall asleep. Be thankful even for the littlest of things. It makes you a more contented being. 
When we feel love and gratitude, it is impossible for us to be negative, so make this a habit, to raise your energy level and lift you out of the negative state. It's a matter of changing our attitudes towards a more positive one. 

I'm thankful for my awesome family who are so close-knit despite our differences. My family is king for random outings. But it's the effort that i appreciate the most. Each one of us does our best to make time for random outings. Thank you cousins, nephews and nieces for putting aside time for the family. You know i love you all like crazy. 

I'm thankful for having good friends who are there for me when I need their company. I knew these girls since i was 13 and i can still laugh and have a good meaningful conversation with them despite not hanging out as often. 

I'm thankful for having a job that I love so much. A chilldhood dream come true. 

I'm thankful for having the best husband in the world who adores me and always does his best to put me first before himself. I'm thankful for my two boys who never fail to make me smile and proud as a mother. These people are the reason that keeps me going each day. 

Alhamdulillah. Life is good. But i can't wait for it to get even better. 

Someday, insya'Allah. 

It's ok to dream BIG my friends. You just gotta have faith in that dream. =)

Monday, February 20, 2012

i think i am phat. do you?

You look at celebrities and wonder, how can anyone be so gorgeous and perfect.. the nice toned/slim body, thick luscious hair, silky smooth skin.. unrealistic perfection basically. Well, i feel you. We then gloat in self-pity and wonder why am i not like them? I believe that God is fair. He creates us the way we are for a very much valid reason. Ok. Got the point. So, what am i trying to say? Well ladies, it's ok to look at other "perfect" females with envy. BUT! not too much till it leads to self-destruction.

I'm in an industry where the skinny and pretty get to go a little bit further that those with a little bit more flesh. Find me a CHUBBY female hosting a LOCAL tv show. Hmmmmmmmmm.... None that i can recall. I don't act, nor do i sing. But hosting is something that i enjoy. That's why i enjoy my job in radio. I get HEARD and not SEEN as much. Having said that, one of the things that i somehow hope to do before i retire from the industry is to host a Travelogue of some sort. BUT! i'm not skinny! nor am i gorgeous. So, how like that? Ah wells.

I gained 22kg when i was pregnant. To date, i have lost 15kg, which means i need to lose 7 more to be back to my pre-pregnancy/wedding weight. It seems like a challenge, especially with the newfound role as a mother. I miss exercising. I miss sweating buckets and stepping out of the gym feeling like you've accomplished something. I'm not a morning person and having to wake up in the middle of the night for feeds is still a challenge. This interupted sleep for the past 4 months has turned me into a zombie in the mornings. Once Ashayr starts sleeping through the night, perhaps i can get back on track and go full force on my workouts.

When it comes to food, surprisingly, i dont eat alot. My friends can vouch that for me. But i have this weird body system where i can diet like crazy and still put on weight. For me, the key is EXERCISE. So here i am gloating about how fat i feel and that it's all back to square one. It's just a phase. I know i'll get over it. Somehow, marriage makes you a little complacent. I admit. Heh. BUT, i am to be a hot mummy and shall therefore continue striving towards a healthier lifestyle and a slimmer physique. It may seem like a daunting journey, but i know i'll get through it. I was a size 20 at one point and dropped till a size 10. And today, i'm back to a 14/16. In America, i'm "averaged" size.. But in Singapore, i'm HUGE. Unfair, i know. That's life, so we either have to deal with it or live with it.

Therefore, if you are those kind who oggle at perfect beauties and wonder, why am i not like that? Remember, i'm beside you, oggling just the same. Haha. Let's get over it and work on ourselves. That's what  i'll do. No diet pills. Crash diets. Crazy workout routines. Just simple shifts in our lifestyle, towards a healthier and more meaningful one, with hopes of losing the pounds!

Someday.. i shall turn from this..

to this!!

I will get (near) there! haha! Let's get phat, yo! ;)

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Sunshine and Smiles!

My baby will turn 4 months in 3 days.. Such a big boy he is now.. I'm truly blessed with such a happy baby!! Haris enjoys making him laugh and would do all sorts of funny things to make Ashayr smile.What a joy these two boys have been! Alhamdulillah.

Oh yes, i have no idea what "AGGIE" means, but it made Ashayr giggle. LOL. Nothing beats the feeling of seeing your baby smile and laugh. It melts the heart I tell you.. ;)

Dearest Ashayr.. you are growing up way too quickly.. Slow down a little so that Mama can truly enjoy every part of you growing up into a beautiful and adorable toddler. You bring so much happiness into our lives. Motherhood has been such a fabulous journey because I have such an AWESOME baby like you.. 


I love you my little baby boolat! =)

Thursday, February 2, 2012

make it work!

Being back at work means lesser time for my baby. I'm still getting used to being away from Ashayr. I am truly blessed with such an amazing baby. I would describe him as a happy baby. Easy to handle and seldom cries. His smiley face is enough to take all the tiredness away after a long day.

I wish i have more than 24 hours in a day. I wish i could dedicate more time for my boys. Haris has been a wonderful big brother to Ashayr. He takes his role and responsibilities seriously. I am proud to have Haris look after Ashayr whenever i'm away at work. And i'm also thankful for my mother who seems much happier these days because of Ashayr. Kata orang, anak itu rezeki dan membawa kebahagiaan. How true. My family is more together nowadays. We are definitely happier. Alhamdulillah.

 The husband has exceeded my expectations when it comes to taking care of Ashayr. Since i'm the one who does night feedings, early mornings are for him to handle. I have to applaud him for his excellent skills in changing Ashayr's diapers and clean ups. Macam pro! hehe. And it's kinda adorable to see my husband baby talk once in a while (cos it sure didnt happen when we were dating! haha!). Sayang, you're an awesome husband and Abah! Thank you for everything that you have done for us. We truly appreciate it. Oh ya, we turned ONE as a couple on 1 Jan 2012. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to us!!! =)

Ok, back to my point, as a mother, of course i would love to be there for my children. I want to be there when Ashayr starts flipping onto his tummy/ starts crawling/ taking his first steps/ hear him say "MAMA!".. I want to be there for all of the important moments in his life. But... i'm a working mum, and with that comes its limitations. Haiz. I know i would enjoy staying at home and taking care of the kids but i also know that i'd get bored and will feel down if i don't put my brain and body to good use. When i'm home, i think about working and making money. When i'm at work, i think about spending time with my boys. So, how like that?

 Life is just magical. They way Allah has written your path, is a beautiful mystery. I've been at the crossroads one time too many. But, HE has often shown me the way. For now, i shall enjoy each passing moment as a working mother before something else comes along. Something better, hopefully.. Insya'Allah. (I secretly wish to live the tai-tai life, but that definitely won't happen anytime soon lorrr!!! )

Ahhhh... Nikmat betul kehidupan berumahtangga. Semua yang dibuat terasa senang dan tenang. Bahagia itu timbul bila kita dapat membahagiakan orang yang kita sayang. Masya'Allah. Now i'm that i'm married, i don't ever want to go back to being single, because i have found my soulmate and am blessed with wonderful sons. Just to go slightly off tangent, now that i have two boys, let's aim for TWO girls and we close shop ok!  haha!! But! not anytime soon!!! =PP

Life is gooooood cos you just need to MAKE IT WORK! 

Enjoy these random pictures! =)

Us on our Anniversary and a nice lunch at Sofra after our Sunday religious class. ;)

The BIG Brother, coaxing the little one to pose... 

Abang Haris & my boolat boy at Explorer Kids! 

Us, at Universal Studios... 

My two boys having a conversation! ;)

Thank you Allah for giving me the opportunity to care and love these wonderful people. Thank you for blessing me with their love and presence. Thank you for another day, to be a wife, mother and daughter. YOU are indeed GREAT. 

Till next time my loves! =)