Tuesday, August 16, 2011

am i good enough?

"Faith and doubt go hand-in-hand, they are complementaries. One who never doubts will never truly believe" - Hermann Hesse, German-Swiss poet, novelist, and painter

have you ever had self-doubt & faith and the same time? it's hard to explain but it's like doubting your abilities and capabilities, as well as having faith, just knowing you're good enough for something bigger.

self-doubt is present in everyone. socially, emotionally, spiritually, behaviorally, and financially. self-doubt occurs when we believe that a future action will not bring a desirable outcome, that it won't bring the right result, or may make us feel foolish, threatened or judged. if we assume these thoughts and outcome predictions as being real and allow them to command our actions, they disable us and prevent us from doing something that we otherwise would like to do or feel driven to achieve.

i'm often faced with many personal battles. my hearts says i'm amazing but my brain tells me otherwise. i challenge my thoughts and at the end of the day, it boils down to how i manage this self-doubt. what i've learnt is never to underestimate my own abilities. listen to your inner voice and just know that bigger things await. i do admit that there are times where i would feel threatened or intimidated whenever i see someone else doing better than me. i'm not jealous but would rather question myself. as to where do i stand if placed besides these successful individuals.

after much analysing, i know that i'm doubting myself too much. i can never be these people but i can only be the best ME that i can ever be. self-doubt is a thought, and we can control our thoughts! so what is preventing us from changing that thought, or being aware of it then disarming it, or at least taking action in the opposite direction to what it is telling us?

so let's change our thoughts and put aside self-doubt because faith keeps us strong in pursuing our goals and dreams. just believe that we are all meant for something bigger. that God created us for a purpose. insya'allah, things will fall into place and makes more sense....

at this point, there are moments when i doubt my ability to cope with this last trimester. my previous two trimesters have been amazingly great and suddenly, i now have to learn how to cope with the changing body image which can be emotionally challenging... but i know that i will get through this. i need to learn how to love this new body shape of mine. i know it will all go away after labour if i continue putting in effort to live a healthy lifestyle.. insya'allah..

go away you self-doubt! shoo!

Friday, August 12, 2011

8 more to 40...

being pregnant doesn't necessarily equate to being incompetent. as my tummy gets bigger, it takes more effort to get things done and move to places. i'm not as mobile and flexible as i used to be. the fatigue and backaches are a challenge to deal with. the hormonal imbalances and whirlwind of emotions are unexplainable. it's phenomenal and men don't get it. seriously.

to all the pregnant women out there.. we may be bloated, swollen, waddling around with a huge tummy in front of us. but WE ARE BEAUTIFUL.

may Allah grant us the strength to get through this pregnancy and bring life safely into this world. amin. insya'allah...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

over 7 months

i'm now on my way to reaching 8 months (gestationally).. surprisingly, the tummy started booming from the 6th to 7th month. the baby suddenly decided to grow excessively and according to my gynae, the baby is "BIG and LONG.." it does worry me because a big baby my lead to a couple of complications. but i shall not let it get to me too much. as long as the baby is healthy, we are happy. i did not put on weight for this month as well. which is a good thing for me cos i'm quite big sized to begin with. so it's 10 kg for now and i bet i will put on a few more before i pop.

this last trimester seems a little bit more challenging. i was truly enjoying my second trimester. felt so energetic and good back then. now, i often suffer from backaches and sleepless nights. there are nights where i cant find just the right position to fall asleep. the baby has been moving alot. now, i can tell where is the baby's head, butt or feet. the baby seems to respond so well when spoken to as well. with that said, Mr H and i are very much excited to welcome the arrival of mini us. it's so surreal. the feeling of having a little baby kicking inside you is beyond description.

there are times where i feel unsure and nervous of what's to come. am i really ready to be a mother? will my labour be alright? how will i react to labour pains? i'm nervous and i can't lie. besides that, i have also grown so huge as compared to what i was in January. i feel so bloated at times. like my whole body has been dipped in water for so long that it's swollen. blame it on the water retention that makes us preggars look like a puffer fish.

Mr H has been the sweetest husband EVER. i cant ask for a better partner. he is GOD sent. he massages my aching back every night. he prepares warm milk for me. he goes all out to satisfy my random food cravings. he allows me to sleep like a bear. he puts me first before himself. he makes me feel comfortable and happy all the time. what more can i ask. thank you for being the best husband i can ever have. i love you Sayang. =)

so here i am in pictures at 7 months plus...

what i wore for my second last news presenting for BERITA on Suria.

with the sexy ning baizura and pretty scha al yahya at APM 2011... and my tummy at over 30 weeks.

with the one who turns everything that she touches into gold. ;)


so i've got a few more weeks to go before i pop. this shall all be worth it. insya'allah. ;)

Monday, August 1, 2011

a father's message from beyond

i read an article on yahoo news and i teared. it was about a 45 year old father who died of cancer. he was a strong man who refuse to give in to his illness. he led his life as positive as possible. he wanted to be an example for his children...

it made me think. if life is too short, what will we be leaving behind? what are the memories that others have of us? this is what a father wrote for his two beautiful kids.. (image & text courtesy of yahoo news)


Be courteous, be punctual, always say please and thank you, and be sure to hold your knife and fork properly. Others take their cue on how to treat you from your manners.

Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own. Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.

Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.

Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.

Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.

Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.

Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.

Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.

Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.

Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.

Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.

Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire. Compromise can be king.

Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.

Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to . . . which is why I have chosen them carefully.

Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.

Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.

Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.

Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.

Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages. When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.

Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.

Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.

Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give you one, devise your own.

Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.

Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.

Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.

Look after your body and it will look after you.

Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!

And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.

I love you both with all my heart.
Daddy x


let's reflect this Ramadan and think about how much we have gone through and experienced all this while. our time on earth is temporary so let's make the best of what comes along and be happy over the blessings that have been bestowed upon us. we shall continue doing good to others and also to ourselves. we shall live this life with good thoughts and attract only good things in life. we shall leave behind good memories of us for others to live by. we shall be the best Muslim that we can ever be.. may Allah bless our good doings this Ramadan. insya'allah..