Saturday, December 31, 2011

bye 2011. hello 2012.

So here goes my last entry of the year...

In 2011...

I got married on 1 January.

Haris started primary 1 on 3 January.

I went to Sri Lanka for my honeymoon on 3 February.

I found out I was pregnant on 14 February.

We got to know that I’m carrying a baby boy on 23 may.

I celebrated my 27th birthday as a married woman on 18 June.

We welcomed our firstborn son on 12 October.

Ashayr went for his first family holiday to KL on 27 December.

These might just be dates to some people, but each of it holds a very significant meaning to me. God plans out your life such. 2011 has been an amazing roller coaster ride for me. I enjoyed its ups and downs. Some corners were rough while some bends were smoother. An exhilarating ride it has been.

Marriage and motherhood has taught me to grow up and love unselfishly. It’s no longer just about me, but also people around me, especially those whom I love. A year went by so quickly and I barely got to breathe and absorb the entire situation. At times, I still can’t believe I’m married and that I gave birth to a beautiful little human being. 2011 is just too significant for my 27 years of existence on earth. 2011, you have been great but it's time to move on.

So, what do i want for 2012? Simple. I hope to find myself and be closer to the Almighty. It's time to rediscover my passion, make a difference and be a happier person than before. I give too much that i have nothing left for ME. 2012 shall be done differently, insya'allah.

For what lies ahead, let's pray for strength and courage to be a better person than before, to be able to weather the storm and the strong winds ahead, to be a wiser person when choices cross our paths, to be a responsible human being for ourselves and those around us, to live this life the best way we can.

May ALLAH be with us in everything that we put our hearts and minds into. Amin.

Goodbye 2011. Welcome 2012. =)

Friday, November 11, 2011

Khair Ashayr

They say a child is a gift from God. A child changes your life forever. How true. For nine months, I carried a little human being inside me. It is an experience only a mother can appreciate and for that, I’m truly blessed and thankful to the one above. 

On 12 October, after battling with labour pains for almost 12 hours, my son was delivered via an emergency c-section at 1215am. I was on general anesthesia and only got to see my baby at 130am. I must say that it took me a while to realize that this baby just came out from my stomach. I was still groggy from the anesthesia and painkillers and therefore, was still pretty much confused from the whole occasion. I was overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions. 

On the same day, visitors started pouring in at 10am. For those who came, I’m sorry if I couldn’t entertain you as much as I’d love to. The pain was just too overwhelming and the painkillers were making me extremely groggy. But, both my husband and I are very grateful for your presence in celebrating our son’s birth into this world. Thank you to our family members, friends, colleagues and acquaintances for your presence, gifts and contributions. Thank you also to my facebook and twitter friends for your well wishes. Hisham and I are grateful and thankful to know that there are so many who care. So, thank you again. =) 

This is our son. 
Mohamed Khair Ashayr Bin Mohamed Hisham
He weighs 3.7kg at birth and is 52 cm long. 

Khair means “blessings, wealth, benevolence and goodness” while Ashayr means “wise and knowledgeable”. Like most parents, we do want the best for our son and prays that he grows up to be a great man. Insya’Allah we will provide him with all that he needs, especially unconditional love and care. Ashayr is our wonderful little blessing. Tomorrow he turns exactly a month old. It has been a rollercoaster ride for me so far, both physically and emotionally. This whole mother hood experience has taught me a lot of patience.

The adaptation process was quite challenging. The lack of sleep, the pain from the operation, the inability to move around as much as I used to, the crying of the baby and not knowing what’s wrong, all these has made me a better mother , wife and woman. We learn to give wholeheartedly. We learn to love this little person without expecting anything in return. We learn to care and provide for the baby because that is what mothers are supposed to do. Motherhood is an amazing learning journey.

 Now that I’ve settled and become more adapted to the feeding and sleeping routine, I can function better even with little rest. I’m getting used to the routine and I do hope that it will get easier in time. The baby blues that I had in the beginning is starting to fade away. I shall embrace this new role and take it on with pride. I'm loving motherhood and i foresee a fulfilling role ahead. Ashayr has been such an angel and easy to take care of. Alhamdulillah. 

 Before i end this entry, here are some pictures taken by Zaki Razali, an upcoming artistic photographer. These amazing shots were taken at the comfort of my house and Ashayr was exactly 3 weeks old. =)

Ashayr, we love you more than words can say. 
Come what may, we shall be with you.  Insya'Allah. 
We love you, son. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

counting down...

hey baby...

we are counting down days before your arrival.

mama & abah are getting (just a little) impatient.

BUT, don't hurry yourself. take your time.

come out only when you're ready.

we will wait and welcome you into this world with love.

we cant wait to stare at your cute little face... to stare and admire your tiny hands and feet... to "romos-romos" and kiss you all over cos you will be the cutest thing we've ever created.

till the day we see you... stay healthy and come out safely (and quickly!).. heee..

Mama & Abah

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

over 37 weeks!

alhamdulillah, i'm still doing very good so far. hari raya as a wife has been fulfilling and very meaningful. to be heavily pregnant and celebrating it at the same time was quite a challenge, but i'm glad that the husband is a very understanding man.

let's see.. i'm now over 37 weeks and have already gained 14 kg which is ALOT. there are moments where i feel so bloated cos the baby is taking up so much space in my tummy. it seems like the baby is a very active one, squirming around continuously for 20 to 30 mins each time. the baby's head is already engaged since 35 weeks and i can feel the pressure each time i walk. i tell myself to bear with the uncomfortable feeling and NOT waddle. jalan mesti steady. hee..

at this point, i still feel no pain or any irregular contractions. the braxton hicks come and go and lasts for very short periods. should i be worried? hmmm. no actually. i'm more impatient now cos i cant wait to see our baby. =)

last weekend, i did my last show for WARNA this year. my chance to be on stage for the final time before i go for my maternity leave soon. some have asked if i have popped cos they haven't been hearing me on radio or see me on TV. well, not yet. the baby still prefers my tummy for now. heee..

i still feel overwhelmed at times about this whole pregnancy and motherhood deal. are we really ready for it? will i survive labour? what kind of mother would i be? how will i cope with my body after delivery? so many questions and what ifs? however, at the end of the day, i'm glad to have an amazing partner who understands and does his best to make sure things are alright.

hisham has been beyond amazing from the start. he takes care of me and the baby really well. he does his best to provide me with everything that i need to get through this pregnancy. thank you Sayang for being the best partner i can ever have. bestfriends forever, ok? ;)

enough of words. here are some random pictures from here and there over the last few weeks. enjoy!

we went GOLD for the first day of raya...

konon-konon fun shot. lol.

my adorable cousin-in-law, amni.

growing (horizontally) together.. heee..

my second cousin's wedding on 5th syawal!

at Diah's place for raya. =)

with make up artist, Illya, who did my face for WARNA RAYA FIESTA.

exactly 37 weeks pregnant!

syah's and ab shaik's attempt to mimic the two pregnant djs of warna.. syah was me and shaik was zaza, carrying twins. funny or what! lol.

spot the two pregnant djs...

with ex-radio presenters, all the way from 1957 to present day. it was indeed such an honour to have met them. i'm humbled. =)


so there you have it. a summary of what's been going on for the past couple of weeks. it has been a great and fulfilling journey so far. i do not know what lies ahead but that is the beauty of what we call "the future". i'm sure better things await. this little human being inside me has been a blessing and i look forward to receiving it into the world, soon.

meanwhile, your kind prayers are all i seek for a safe delivery and a beautiful, healthy baby... till next time! =)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

am i good enough?

"Faith and doubt go hand-in-hand, they are complementaries. One who never doubts will never truly believe" - Hermann Hesse, German-Swiss poet, novelist, and painter

have you ever had self-doubt & faith and the same time? it's hard to explain but it's like doubting your abilities and capabilities, as well as having faith, just knowing you're good enough for something bigger.

self-doubt is present in everyone. socially, emotionally, spiritually, behaviorally, and financially. self-doubt occurs when we believe that a future action will not bring a desirable outcome, that it won't bring the right result, or may make us feel foolish, threatened or judged. if we assume these thoughts and outcome predictions as being real and allow them to command our actions, they disable us and prevent us from doing something that we otherwise would like to do or feel driven to achieve.

i'm often faced with many personal battles. my hearts says i'm amazing but my brain tells me otherwise. i challenge my thoughts and at the end of the day, it boils down to how i manage this self-doubt. what i've learnt is never to underestimate my own abilities. listen to your inner voice and just know that bigger things await. i do admit that there are times where i would feel threatened or intimidated whenever i see someone else doing better than me. i'm not jealous but would rather question myself. as to where do i stand if placed besides these successful individuals.

after much analysing, i know that i'm doubting myself too much. i can never be these people but i can only be the best ME that i can ever be. self-doubt is a thought, and we can control our thoughts! so what is preventing us from changing that thought, or being aware of it then disarming it, or at least taking action in the opposite direction to what it is telling us?

so let's change our thoughts and put aside self-doubt because faith keeps us strong in pursuing our goals and dreams. just believe that we are all meant for something bigger. that God created us for a purpose. insya'allah, things will fall into place and makes more sense....

at this point, there are moments when i doubt my ability to cope with this last trimester. my previous two trimesters have been amazingly great and suddenly, i now have to learn how to cope with the changing body image which can be emotionally challenging... but i know that i will get through this. i need to learn how to love this new body shape of mine. i know it will all go away after labour if i continue putting in effort to live a healthy lifestyle.. insya'allah..

go away you self-doubt! shoo!

Friday, August 12, 2011

8 more to 40...

being pregnant doesn't necessarily equate to being incompetent. as my tummy gets bigger, it takes more effort to get things done and move to places. i'm not as mobile and flexible as i used to be. the fatigue and backaches are a challenge to deal with. the hormonal imbalances and whirlwind of emotions are unexplainable. it's phenomenal and men don't get it. seriously.

to all the pregnant women out there.. we may be bloated, swollen, waddling around with a huge tummy in front of us. but WE ARE BEAUTIFUL.

may Allah grant us the strength to get through this pregnancy and bring life safely into this world. amin. insya'allah...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

over 7 months

i'm now on my way to reaching 8 months (gestationally).. surprisingly, the tummy started booming from the 6th to 7th month. the baby suddenly decided to grow excessively and according to my gynae, the baby is "BIG and LONG.." it does worry me because a big baby my lead to a couple of complications. but i shall not let it get to me too much. as long as the baby is healthy, we are happy. i did not put on weight for this month as well. which is a good thing for me cos i'm quite big sized to begin with. so it's 10 kg for now and i bet i will put on a few more before i pop.

this last trimester seems a little bit more challenging. i was truly enjoying my second trimester. felt so energetic and good back then. now, i often suffer from backaches and sleepless nights. there are nights where i cant find just the right position to fall asleep. the baby has been moving alot. now, i can tell where is the baby's head, butt or feet. the baby seems to respond so well when spoken to as well. with that said, Mr H and i are very much excited to welcome the arrival of mini us. it's so surreal. the feeling of having a little baby kicking inside you is beyond description.

there are times where i feel unsure and nervous of what's to come. am i really ready to be a mother? will my labour be alright? how will i react to labour pains? i'm nervous and i can't lie. besides that, i have also grown so huge as compared to what i was in January. i feel so bloated at times. like my whole body has been dipped in water for so long that it's swollen. blame it on the water retention that makes us preggars look like a puffer fish.

Mr H has been the sweetest husband EVER. i cant ask for a better partner. he is GOD sent. he massages my aching back every night. he prepares warm milk for me. he goes all out to satisfy my random food cravings. he allows me to sleep like a bear. he puts me first before himself. he makes me feel comfortable and happy all the time. what more can i ask. thank you for being the best husband i can ever have. i love you Sayang. =)

so here i am in pictures at 7 months plus...

what i wore for my second last news presenting for BERITA on Suria.

with the sexy ning baizura and pretty scha al yahya at APM 2011... and my tummy at over 30 weeks.

with the one who turns everything that she touches into gold. ;)


so i've got a few more weeks to go before i pop. this shall all be worth it. insya'allah. ;)

Monday, August 1, 2011

a father's message from beyond

i read an article on yahoo news and i teared. it was about a 45 year old father who died of cancer. he was a strong man who refuse to give in to his illness. he led his life as positive as possible. he wanted to be an example for his children...

it made me think. if life is too short, what will we be leaving behind? what are the memories that others have of us? this is what a father wrote for his two beautiful kids.. (image & text courtesy of yahoo news)


Be courteous, be punctual, always say please and thank you, and be sure to hold your knife and fork properly. Others take their cue on how to treat you from your manners.

Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own. Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.

Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.

Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.

Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.

Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.

Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.

Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.

Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.

Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.

Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.

Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire. Compromise can be king.

Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.

Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to . . . which is why I have chosen them carefully.

Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.

Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.

Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.

Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.

Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages. When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.

Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.

Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.

Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give you one, devise your own.

Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.

Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.

Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.

Look after your body and it will look after you.

Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!

And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.

I love you both with all my heart.
Daddy x


let's reflect this Ramadan and think about how much we have gone through and experienced all this while. our time on earth is temporary so let's make the best of what comes along and be happy over the blessings that have been bestowed upon us. we shall continue doing good to others and also to ourselves. we shall live this life with good thoughts and attract only good things in life. we shall leave behind good memories of us for others to live by. we shall be the best Muslim that we can ever be.. may Allah bless our good doings this Ramadan. insya'allah..

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

When Girls Get Together!

last saturday, i was privileged enough to be given a chance to speak at the EPG (Empowering Programme for Girls) by Mendaki event at Nacli, South Buona Vista. there were 2 other women professionals who spoke at the event, Sharon Ismail and Zarina Yusof. fiza o was the host for the 4 hour event. it's an awards ceremony for the first batch of girls who have graduated from secondary school and were part of the EPG group. some of these girls have managed to move on to JC and Poly while others into ITE. it is indeed and achievement to be proud of.

i felt humbled being put alongside these inspiring women. Sharon is a talented host, actress and lecturer. while Zarina, who used to be a TV newscaster is currently the Deputy Director at Health Promotion Board. like whoa! i feel small but honored to have met these amazing women. they have 2 kids each and they look fabulous and hot! i'm pregnant with my first and i look like a whale! lol. but it's ok. i shall work hard towards losing the excess baggage and join the league of "hot and yummy mummy"!

here are some pictures of the event...

and so i spoke about "the ugly duckling". something that is close to my heart as i associate myself with that little awkward duckling. those who know me know the struggles i had to face when i was growing up. i was different as a child and as a teenager. always trying hard to outdo myself. always battling with my self-confidence. at the end of the day, its about how you feel about yourself. the opinion that we build of ourselves form our self-beliefs. i battled with my own self-esteem. i had to find ways to make me feel better about myself. i feel that this natural growing up process is inevitable. we all have to go through it at one point in our lives.

so, girls. it's ok to feel a little low sometimes. it's how to get out of that negative feeling is what matters most. no one can make you feel better about yourself but you. work on your weaknesses and convert it into your strength. focus on your strengths and convert it into something worthwhile.

life is too short to always live in fear of the unknown. if we are afraid to try, afraid to ask, afraid to move on and improve ourselves, then we are missing out so much that life has got to offer.

like sharon said, "Be Brave. Live Life." ;)

so here i am, still standing and facing different battles in life. however, i look ahead and forward to a better future because i strongly believe that we are all meant for greater things in life.

Allah is kind and He will give us what we deserve as long as we persevere and hold on to that dream. insya'allah. =)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

haris & hitting 6 months

when i was a teenager, i've always wondered how nice it would be to grow up, find my prince charming, get married, have lots of wonderful children and live happily ever after. yes, that was the ideal.

but as i grow up, reality strikes and slams you in the face. fairytales don't exist. you need to make belief and find happiness in the passing moments of your lives. despite the responbilities that i carry once adulthood beckons, i know deep in my heart that someday, i will create my own family.. something is might not be perfect but almost close to perfection.

along came haris. God sent. my sister got divorced and this boy was stuck in between. i told my aunt that we should take him in. that i would take care of him and provide for him. just like how my aunt took me and my two siblings in when my parents got divorced. haris has always been a happy baby. easy to take care of. he brought so much joy to the family.

today, he is 7 and has been such an amazing son to me. he reminds me alot of myself. how much i try to be "perfect" so that i can make my aunt happy. i see me in haris. a child that tries very hard to do his best and not disappoint those whom he loves.

(he likes to pose for pictures and so did i when i was 7.)

(he loves food and so do i till now!)

when i'm sad, he gives me random hugs and tell me that everything is going to be ok. when i'm sleeping, he would pull up the blanket and cover me. randomly, he will smile at me, assuring me that he loves me.. "mama, i love you a million percent." yes, my son. i know you do. he will always be my number one baby.

now, i'm expecting a child. my first, but second to haris. i don't know how he will deal with another sibling. it scares me sometimes but i know that haris will take it positively. he rubs my tummy and talks to the baby. "adik, don't kick mama so much ok. adik must behave.".. "adik, what are you doing? are you sleeping or awake?"... "hello adik.. this is abang haris. which side of the tummy are you at now?"

as much as i can, hisham and i try to get haris involved in conversations about the baby being around in october. haris has been receptive so far, alhamdulillah. my handsome boy will be a big brother. i know he is up for the challenge. i have faith in him. =)

for now, at 6 months and 7 kilos heavier, the baby kicks are getting stronger. just a couple of days ago, i felt the baby hiccups. it's a funny feeling i can't describe. weird but nice. oh, and swollen & gigantic feet! thanks to the endless walking in melaka during the school holidays.. ahh.. the "perks" of pregnancy. but it's still alright cos my husband says that i am still the most beautiful pregnant woman on earth.. =P heee... i love you Sayang!!

so far so good. according to the gestational calendar, i've got slightly over 12 weeks more to go! time to seriously pen down the shopping list and get shopping!

anyway, so many have been asking if it's a boy or a girl.. the husband and i are still keeping mum. it's a suprise! but what's your guess? cast your votes on the poll that can be found on left bar of my blog! kita tengok siapa yang tepat! ;)

Friday, June 10, 2011

over 5 months

" A baby is something you carry inside you for 9 months, in your arms for 3 years and in your heart till the day you die..."

i still can't believe i'm carrying a living thing inside me. the kicks and flutters are so surreal. masya'allah. i am indeed blessed to have been giving such an opportunity from the Almightly. =)

so far, the pregnancy has been a rather smooth one. i've been feeling rather good and positive about things. i'm in my second trimester now and after much reading, this is apparently the time when we feel our best. despite the weight gain, i know it's all good. =)

so, at slightly over 5 months and 6kg heavier, i feel great. and that includes the fact that my husband STILL thinks that i'm the most beautiful pregnant woman ever. LOL. hisham has been the sweetest. always reassuring me about how much he loves and the baby. always doing his best to make sure i'm happy.

sayang, you are still my number one baby no matter what. thank you for being an amazing and supportive partner so far. i'm blessed to have you in my life. susah senang, kita bersama kan, sayang? ;)

walaupun kadangkala i cakap perut i dah boncit, tak seksi meksi macam dulu, badan i dah macam ikan paus, you masih cakap i lah wanita paling lawa yang ada kat dunia ni.. aiseyman sayang.. i lah isteri paling bertuah sekali.. hu hu hu.. ;P

i LOVE long dresses and this is my current favorite one cos it's PINK! so everytime i put on this dress, i feel like a princess. lol. this distracts me from the fact that i've bloated up and my waist is gone. but like i've said, it's OK. cos as long as my baby is doing alright, mama is one happy pregnant woman. =)

i shall enjoy this second trimester before i start waddling around with this tummy of mine. till then! =)