living this short life

"It's not about how long you live, but how you live your life." 
Wow. How true. So many people I know have short lived their amazing lives. They are those kind ones that were gone too soon. And then there are a group of people who waste their entire lives, just because they have no clear path to follow. Sad, but it happens. 

I hate to say this but LIFE is difficult. It also is getting more and more stressful nowadays. Almost daily we are under pressure to meet someone's expectations of us.

When we were much younger, we were so carefree and much happier. We weren't bothered my the many problems that we face as an adult today. However, as we grow older, we face people who may bring negativities into our lives. We absorb and somehow, these worries get to us. 

Somehow our brain is like a computer, we feed ourselves with information all the time, be it good or bad, useful or redundant. We develop social phobias. What if we don't meet up to society's expectation of us? We learn that there are lot of bad things happening in the world and it is our responsibility to worry for them. In Singapore, it is now about having a "stable job" and "making enough money" so that we can live the lifestyle that we want or dream of. Agreed, no?

Now that I'm married, having a stable flow of income for the family is of utmost importance. Like it or not, my husband and I, have to work hard so that we can bring rice to the table, pay for the house and everything else that comes along with it. We need money to run the family. 

Despite the stress, we have grown as a couple. We have learnt to not beat ourselves up if faced with alot of stress. At the end of the day, we need to learn how to live a happy life because, when we are happy, good things will come, as supposed to the opposite. 

Live today. Decide to live your life. Set the ball in motion by living today and make the best it. Then make the best of tomorrow. Start the ball rolling and go from one day to the next. Do not dwell on the sorrows of the past. We need to learn how to quickly move on once we've fallen. It's not easy, but when you practice this often, it becomes a habit. 

My husband and I have made a promise, to live a better life than what we had before. To slowly build our little kingdom and turn it into a happy empire of souls. If we believe we can, then we will, Insya'Allah. 

I smile when I look at successful people with a successful and happy family. I'm inspired and in awe of their love and closeness. I am still striving towards that because at the end of the day, we work hard for the people we love. We give in and sacrifice because we treasure these people. 

Life is short. So do we waste it on being too stressed or emotionally affected all the time? Or do make the best of what comes along, and find temporary happiness in the passing moments? You decide, my friends. ;)

As for me, I choose to be happy despite the passing storm. I know this journey is going to be an amazing one. Someday, the storm will pass and the sun will shine. By then, I would have been a much stronger person and ready for the next passing whirlwind.  Insya'Allah. I've got my beautiful little family and that is enough to make me smile and be thankful about LIFE. ;)

about a mother's love

Mother's Day was different this year. I am a mother, for real. Ashayr is now 7 months old. He is indeed the best gift ever. He has taught me how to give without expecting anything in return. Growing up in a broken family since I was a baby, meant that I didn't quite enjoy the real love of a mother and father. I grew up with my aunt whom I address as Ibu. She was everything to me. She worked hard, single handedly to take care of my siblings and I. She got married when I was 4 and instantly, I got a father. However, his life was short lived and he passed away when I was 12, about 2 months before my PSLE. That was tough.

My life has been pretty much complicated ever since. My family is no where near perfect. But we survived. It was tough growing up, but we learn to value money and life even more. I had to work hard for the things I wanted. My Ibu worked a 12 hour shift as a factory operator. Her salary was measly but she brought us up with whatever amount she made each month. We survived as a family.

You see, my Ibu is the tough love sort. She will NEVER express her love for me verbally but would show it through her actions, like cooking my favourite food. She went through a tough life herself and that explains her grumpy character. But I know deep in her heart, I was her favourite. I know she loves me.

Being a mother is not just about giving birth to a human being, but caring and loving that soul with all that your heart can give. Haris came into my life when he was 6 months old. My sister got divorced and I decided to take him in, as my own. It was a cycle all over again. I grew up with my aunt, and Haris is doing so with me. I made a promise to love him like my own. I made a promise to never mistreat him. He has been a blessing and brought so much sunshine into my life. When i decided to take him in, I remember so many making cynical remarks. I shoved those negativities aside, because deep in my heart I knew I couldn't forsake him. He loves me unconditionally and I know that.

I hope that Ashayr will grow up just the same. As loving and caring as his elder brother. Because at the end of the day, I do not expect anything but love from these boys. We reap what we sow and I shall shower these boys with all the love that I can give, unconditionally. Motherhood is life changing.

To Ibu,
The day you decided to take care of my siblings and I, was the day that changed your life. You've sacrificed so much just to put us through school and to make sure there was rice on the table. You taught me to fight and survive. Eventhough you've never said you love me, I know that deep in your heart, you do. Thank you for being such a strong woman. Thank you for all that you've sacrificed so that I could be what I am today. I am what I am because of your support. You've never said no to my crazy dreams and you've supported me in whatever that I set my heart out for. You are the reason to how far I've come today. Ibu, I love you and I promise to take care of you till your last breath...

To Haris & Ashayr,
Thank you for being such amazing sons. You are the reason why I wake up each day with a smile. My life will be dedicated to you, I promise. Against all odds, I will do my best to make sure your grow up to be great individuals, Insya'Allah. I love you, my sons.

Alhamdulillah. I am blessed with what is called Motherhood. I shall take on this role with pride and will continue to do my best to be an awesome mother. One that you boys will be very proud of.

To all Mothers, may our love and sacrifice be reciprocated and appreciated someday.... Insya'Allah.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

hoping for that wonderful something

I don't know about you. But there are moments in my life, when I'm jaded. Like what am I doing on this earth? Do I have to put up with such routine in my life? Why is my life so monotonous and mundane? Well, I question myself at times. But then again, there are the moments I wake up and say, it's going to be a beautiful day. And I hold on to that secret hope that something wonderful will happen.

I'm growing older each day and so are the people I love and adore. Health above money is of utmost important at this point. When I fell sick with flu, cough & fever a week ago, I felt helpless. I was so weak that all I wanted to do was lie down in bed and not do anything. Then again, lying down too much made me feel miserable. I will tell myself to get up, snap out of it and move on, pretend that I'm alright, even though I'm so sick.

Being miserable is so much easier to carry out as compared to being happy. Agree? It's quite brainless to keep pointing fingers at others and blame everything else on this earth (but yourself) for the misery that you're going through. When I'm sad, I cry. It makes me feel a little better. Then, I talk to God. At least HE is willing to listen. I cry and ask him, WHY ME? Till today, He has yet to reply. But I'll figure it out someday.

The husband said this to me, "You're a public figure. People think you're doing so well. It's ok. Take it as a responsibility." I dislike the term "celebrity". Seriously. I'm just as normal as you are. It's because of the work that I do, people recognise me. And for that, I'm thankful. Other than that, I'm still your regular 28 year old working mother, who gets tired of the routine sometimes and goes through moments of struggle just to put everything together.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Unfortunately, that is how most of us perceive things. We need to learn how to appreciate and make do with the grass on our side, and that takes skill and effort. Do not envy those who are doing better off than you, in fact, question yourself to what is it that you are doing wrong, that disallow you to be as successful or better off than them. Hatred and vengeance gets you nowhere, trust me.

Today, I'm feeling a little miserable. But it's ok. Because I know God will never disown me for as long as I have faith in him. Tomorrow, i shall wake up and continue hoping that some miracle will happen. Tomorrow shall be a better day than today. Tomorrow, I shall continue hoping that something wonderful will happen. Amin.

ASHAYR FANCY BANDANA BIBS

When Ashayr was teething, he was drooling so much that I had to change his bib every few hours cos it got drenched with saliva. I do have normal bibs that was bought way before he was born, but after a while, it got boring. I enjoy dressing him up and came across the BANDANA BIB, which was fabulous. It's like a fashion statement for babies.

Some have asked me about it, and because I enjoy sharing the love, I have brought in some one of a kind pieces. These Bandana Bibs are so cute and also comfortable to wear. It comes all the way from the UK yo! Since I've only got ONE piece of each, it's on a first come first served basis.

Here you go.. Ashayr Fancy Bandana Bibs! Selling at $17.90 each. A little steep, I know, but it's worth it cos it's a unique piece! ;)

(SOLD!)

(RESERVED!)

(SOLD!)

(SOLD!)

(SOLD!)

(SOLD!)

(SOLD!)

My little boy was such a good model and behaved throughout. Haha.. Anyway, if you're interested, please email me at nonakirana@gmail.com as such: 

Name: 

Contact No:

Address: 

Item Name: 

Postage Preference: Normal or Registered Mail

Do take note that I prefer registered mail so that the items do not get lost. So it's $17.90 + $2.50 = $20.40

But if you prefer normail mail, then it's still ok.. but don't blame me if it gets lost in the mail! =(

Ok! Go! ;)

keep going!

Saw this quote on Facebook and it moved me. I was never a quitter. I hate losing and I will work hard for whatever that I set my heart for. Success never comes easy. Successful people have to work hard day in and day out, just to be at the top. While, those mediocre ones will just sit around and watch. Complain and bitch about those doing really well. Positive minded individuals do not quit. It is as simple as that. Once you quit, it does become a habit. Once you give up too easily, it becomes a norm. Then you loathe in self-pity and wonder why is the world against you.

My life has been nothing but a challenge. Things NEVER come easy for me. Growing up in a broken home, proving my worth in school, carving out a name in the industry. Its has NEVER been easy. Yes, there are moments when I'm tempted to give up. But, for what? Why should I just throw in the towel? Simply because things don't go my way. No. I refuse to give in.

My mother fell sick and was admitted into the hospital because her lungs seems to be failing. She's on the oxygen support machine for now. It saddens me to see her health slowly deteriorating and the fact is, she is growing old. This is the woman who worked hard as a factory operator, working 12 hours shifts, to bring up my siblings and I single handedly. She is amazing and I love her for being such a strong woman. I can't imagine a life without her because she is the closest I've got to a mother figure.

Challenges comes in all forms at different parts of our lives. I'm facing a whole new set of challenges at this point and I'm standing on the bridge, thinking and deciding, should I jump or not? Should I take the risk and jump? Cos I know I will struggle and swim and stay afloat no matter what? Or should I stay safe and dry on that familiar bridge? Yes, I'm at that point. I need new challenges. I need to make things work for myself and the people I love.

Sometimes in life, we need to just keep going for the sake of people we love. We cannot quit because quitting will kill our spirit. Do it for people you love. Do it because you deserve the best. Winners don't quit. And so I won't and will never. KEEP GOING and don't ever give up! ;)

My Monday

it's Monday and I'm having one of those down crappy days. My mother has been very sick lately. Suspected of heart problem. This whole episode is like deja vu. Exactly what I went through when I was taking care of my grandmother. She's the current care taker of my kids and having to see her all weak, breaks my heart. I hope it's nothing major and may she be well soon.

it's Monday and i'm having one of those fat days. I suppose it's normal, right? We females tend to be a little bit more critical of how we look and sometimes, this feeling gets out of hand. Was browsing through stories of celebs who have shed crazy amount of pounds and i got inspired by this one.

JENNIFER HUDSON!

From a size 16 to a 6. Crazy or what! But hey, she did it. So, there's hope for me! Yeay! Since I gave birth, I have to admit that I've been neglecting my body. Depriving myself of good nutritious food and proper exercise. So I made a promise to myself, to get back on track and lose the extra pounds. Slowly but surely. I just need to be more disciplined with my exercise! run. run. run!

It's Monday and I'm having one of those days that I don't feel like working. I just want to laze around at home with my baby and do nothing. But, when I washed up and got ready for work, I forgot about how much I wanted to stay at home. Work keeps me occupied and happy. For that, I'm thankful for a job I love.

It's Monday. So, WHAT! ;)

I do because I love you!

Motherhood has taught me the real meaning of patience & sacrifice. There are days when I'm so drained, mentally & physically, but when Ashayr starts crying and demands my attention, I just have to give in and give him my all. I'm the sort who needs straight 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I remember the first month being so challenging. The lack of sleep made me really cranky. However, as days go by, I learn to love Ashayr even more and would give up anything for him, including my precious sleep. I really do not know how some working mothers do this. To care for their children and still perform well at work. It's just amazing. Now that I'm going through motion, everything seems to be a routine. Motherhood has indeed changed me into a better woman. I give without expecting anything in return.

Becoming a mother is a role that one should be mentally and psychologically prepared for. However, this motherhood thing was NEVER taught in school. You assume the role once you give birth and you just learn. Unfortunately no matter how much one prepares for motherhood, we are not always ready for the relentless crying, sleepless nights, unknown ailments and everything else that comes with the baby package. Some of us develop coping mechanisms, others research to be better informed, and others have a great support system. My husband and mother has got to be my pillars of strength. Without them, I would have crashed. Motherhood has been overwhelming, but I'm coping really well. Alhamdulillah. Biarlah tak cukup tidur, asalkan Ashayr selesa, sihat dan sempurna. I do all these because I love you. 

Of course there are times when i would beat myself up for not being able to be SuperMama. This happens each time I compare myself with other mothers. Comparing doesn't help and I've learnt to STOP doing it. I know I can be the best mother for my children and i am NOT going to pressure myself unnecessarily. Whatever is the case, motherhood comes with a certain delight that is better EXPERIENCED than told. I feel that there is no one size fits all method. Such things DON'T exist in motherhood. Do what you believe is best for your baby, you and your family.

I'm proud to be Ashayr's Mama. At 5 and a half months, he is such a happy and responsive baby. I shall continue showering him with lots of love and kisses (and lesser toys). I may not be the best mother in the world. But I know that each day, I am doing my best to be the BEST mother that he will ever have. Baby Ashayr, I love you! 

In any case, Ashayr will be in the Mother's Day edition of Manja magazine, this May! My baby was such a professional and he barely cried and did not throw any tantrums during the 8 hour long photoshoot! Steady la Sayang! Can't wait to see the final product!! ;)

fashion forward baby boo!

I enjoy dressing up my baby boo, Ashayr. I suppose it takes a lot more effort to dress up a boy as compared to a girl. I feel flattered and appreciate it, each time a mummy asks me where I get his outfit/hat/shoes from. I'm an avid online shopper and most of his clothes were bought online.

Therefore, I would like to share the love and perhaps share the joy of dressing up your baby boy with good looking clothes. Pretty clothes for pretty girls are easy to find. But for a boy, it can be quite a challenge. 

If I were to sell baby boys' clothes and accessories online, would YOU dearest fashion forward mummies, be interested? Let me know your thoughts! ;) 

my boy is 8!

Haris turned 8 years old on 7 March 2012. Being the mature minded kid, he doesn't mind not having any celebration for his birthday. But, the husband and i decided to do something different this year. Since the arrival of Ashayr, i have to admit that Haris has been getting a little less attention because now there's 2 kid in the house. However, Haris has never make such a big fuss about Ashayr. He adores his little brother and, alhamdullillah, there has never been a moment of jealousy between him and Ashayr.

So... on the eve of his birthday, i told him that i was sorry i couldn't do any party or anything like that because I've been so busy.. and he said.. "It's ok Mama.. I don't mind." My heart sank because i could feel a tinge of disappointment in his voice. The husband and i scrambled to make last minute plans. I managed to email his teacher and told her about my plans to have a mini celebration during recess. His teacher was cool enough and said ok to the idea.

Since it was too late to order a cake, I tweeted about cupcakes and Yati came to the rescue. Her cupcakes are SO AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS! It's Red Velvet cupcakes with chocolate filling. You can follow her on twitter, find Yatifadeolie. Thanks Yati for saving the day! Your cupcakes were so delicious that the kids asked for more! One kid even said, "Aunty, your cupcakes so delicious. You make or order?" I replied that i ordered it and the kid replied, "Can give me the contact number? I also want to ask my mother to order for my birthday in DECEMBER.". I giggled. So cute la these kids.

Haris classmates came up to me first during recess cos i had the table all set up already. And then came the birthday boy. He was indeed pleasantly surprised. We sang a birthday song, cut the cake (which we bought on the same morning) and ate the cupcakes, followed by Haris giving away his goodie bags. 30 minutes went by so quickly and recess was finally over.

That was it. Part 1 of his birthday surprise. And then once he reached home. I told him to dress up cos we are going somewhere nice. He had no idea where we were going but i can tell that he was very much excited. There was once when we went to do our maghrib prayers at the musollah at Royal Plaza on Scotts and Haris asked me while pointing at Carousel, "Mama, can we eat at that fancy restaurant? I've never been there before." Well, my family and i rarely eat out and even if we do, fancy restaurants are a once in a blue moon thing. So i thought. ok. let's surprise him. We brought him to Carousel for high tea. And he LOVED it. The staff also gave him a surprise by singing him a birthday song and presenting him with a cupcake.

All in all, it was a great birthday celebration for Haris. Despite the last minute arrangements, it went well. Alhamdulillah.

Anyway, here are some pictures of what happened on 7 March.

Haris and his classmates after singing him a birthday song. 

The last minute Oreo Cake we got from Prima Deli which the kids love! 

"Aunty, your baby sooo cute!!"

With his best friend, Liam on his left and the good looking Ashraf on his right. 

Pretty primary 3 girls checking out Ashayr. 

The DELICOUS cupcakes by Yati @Yatifadeolie

With Uncle Carlson! 

My wonderful boys. 

They wore the vest because i think it's cute! ;)

Our perfect little family. =)

Dearest Haris, 

Thank you for being the sunshine in my life for the past 8 years. Your positive attitude towards life makes you a gem to take care of. Thank you for always doing your best to be the best son I can ever have. Thank you for being an amazing big brother to Ashayr. Taking care of you and watching you grow up has been such a joy. I'm sure that you will grow up to be a fine young man someday. I hope that you will always be blessed with good health, happiness, wisdom and also be able to achieve everything that you set out for. A mother can only pray and do her best for her son and that is what i hope to do for you till i grow old. Remember, a mother is not just someone who gave birth to you, but also someone who took care of you and watch you grow. I saw your first steps. I cried when you first called me Mama. When you entered playgroup, you bravely said bye-bye to me, walked straight into class and sat right in front while some of your other classmates were crying their hearts out for their mothers. Your confidence amazes me. You are still that confident and caring young boy and I'm very proud of that. Haris, may Allah always protect you. May you grow up to be an amazing and respectful young man. May all of your prayers be answered by the Almighty. Mama and Abah promise to do our best for you and your siblings. We promise to always love you like our own. 

HAPPY 8th BIRTHDAY,  my son... =)

Love, 

Mama

fighting for my parachute

And I will fight till my last breath. for what is right and for what is best for us.... Oh ALLAH, please give me the strength I need and the courage to hold on...

If it's meant to be then it shall, forever be.